Archive for the 'Humour' Category
Colbert gives a vivid explanation of the credit crisis.
Always speaking in the third person, Macro Man puts forth a modest proposal - perhaps even more modest than a Jonathan Swift-like proposal - to fix the economic and financial malaise that’s hit the United States over the past few years:
What he’s come up with is a modest proposal that should restore the fiscal health of the United States, reduce a large portion of future liabilities, and set the country on the road to economic health and prosperity. The assumptions that Macro Man used in his calculations are pretty modest, and while the identities of some of his suggested participants are a tad ambitious, he’s confident that his sums could work out in real life.
The first port of call is to take profit on a number of 18th century transactions conducted by the US Government. Top of the list is the Louisiana Purchase, which was consummated in 1803 for the princely sum of $23,213,568. To derive a current marketable value, Macro Man calculates an annual cash flow by multiplying state GDPs by 18% (the proportion of US nominal GDP that the Federal government receives in tax revenue) and assigns a modest P/E multiple of 8 to the result. Perhaps some banks or Donald Trump would assign a higher multiple to these one-of-a-kind assets, but Macro Man prefers to dwell in the realm of reality.
In any event, selling the Louisiana Purchase back to the European Union would get rid of Arkansas, Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Louisiana, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, North Dakota, Nebraska, Oklahoma, South Dakota, and Wyoming. Using the methodology described above, Macro Man reckons the US Government could raise $2.34 trillion. Good thing the euro’s so strong! You’ll agree that the price seems eminently reasonable…after all, it’s less than 50 times as much as InBev paid for Anheuser-Busch.
Macro Man continues on. The cash that could be raised in this method would be quite substantial.
In Season 3, Episode 9 of the T.V. show News Radio, Beth who inherited some money asks Mr. James, the owner of the radio station, for some stock advice. Mr. James refuses to give out stock tips, saying that if one tip goes bad, he’s going to lose a friend.
Here’s the final exchange between Mr. James and Beth before he relents and teaches Beth how he invests:
Mr. James: You be careful because the market can be a cruel mistress.
Beth: Well so can I, but that’s not how I want to make my money anymore.
If you watch the entire episode, you’ll find out how the easy money is made.
On a sidenote, I felt that News Radio was an underrated show during its time on air. Phil Hartman is especially funny in his role. Watching Phil in News Radio always reminds me of how great an actor he was.
I enjoyed reading Garfield when I was kid. Then I grew up and stopped reading the Sunday comics because I felt they were all stupid except for Far Side. Garfield Minus Garfield has taken a whole new spin on the classic comic Garfield by subtracting the orange feline from the comic frames, leaving only Jon Arbuckle…
Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life? Friends, meet Jon Arbuckle. Let’s laugh and learn with him on a journey deep into the tortured mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness in a quiet American suburb.
The new comic is wickedly funny and had me laughing out loud. Here’s just one example:
Scrappleface received a leaked copy of Hillary’s concession/endorsement speech. It’s some good satire.
“No matter the outcome of the presidential race this November, the year 2008 is a watershed for Democrats. For the first time in the history of either party, a woman selflessly withdrew from a race she was winning to lend a merciful, helping hand to a young African-American in his time of need.”
“We have both broken down barriers, Sen. Obama and I, in this historic race. However, since he is only half black, but I am all woman, it goes without saying that my accomplishment in nearly winning is the greater civil rights triumph, mathematically speaking.”
“I will campaign vigorously for the party’s nominee, whoever that may be. I do it out of a sense of noblesse oblige — my nobility obligates me. I hope Sen. Obama sees my endorsement, and pledge of delegates, as a hand up, not a hand out.”
“If Barack Obama becomes the next president of the United States, let it never be said that he won only because he’s black, but rather that he won because a gracious white woman sacrificed her own ambitions for the good of humanity.”
“In closing, I want to personally address Sen. Obama by paraphrasing President John F. Kennedy, who, coincidentally, was assassinated like his brother Robert was: Sen. Obama, ask not what Hillary Clinton can do for you. Ask what you can do for the woman who was almost the first female president of the United States.”
This video is pretty funny, but I hope it’s not what happens to me.
Hat tip to the Novice Bear.
This is just too funny. But then you might feel a little sad and depressed at the current state of affairs. Great thanks to Macro Man for sharing this memo with us.
To: Chairman Bernanke
From: NY Fed Governor Geithner
Re: Alternative collateral
Date: March 11, 2008
—————————————————————————————————Mr. Chairman,
We made the announcement today regarding the additonal measures we are taking, including the TSLF. Initial market reaction to the expansion of our lending program has been positive; stocks have done pretty well- hell, even Bear Stearns rallied today!
However, I believe that it would be prudent for us to make contingency plans in the event that the TSLF fails to relieve market stress. After all, initial reactions to the discount rate cut in August, the 2.25% of Fed cuts that we have put through since September, and the TAF were all positive…..and yet we are deeper in the mire than ever before.
I have consulted at length with staff here at the New York Fed, who in turn have spoken with their network of Wall Street contacts. We have reached the conclusion that the next step in our campaign to re-liquefy the system should be to accept a broader range of collateral for those seeking to borrow at either the TAF or TSLF auctions.
The staff has drawn up a list of recommended items that we should be prepared to accept as collateral in the event that the TSLF does not solve the problems that we are facing. I intend to submit this list for discussion at our next fortnightly meeting, but per our standing arrangment I am notifying you of its contents in this memo.
The staff recommends that the following be accepted as collateral:
1) The borrower’s first-born child. The use of hostages to ensure compliance with a contract or treaty has been fairly common throughout human history, but has sadly fallen by the wayside in recent decades. The staff suggests that it could be effective in the current environment, however.
2) A T206 Honus Wagner card. These are among the scarcest securities in America, and should provide ample security for the borrowing of funds.
3) Gold Jewelry. It is the staff’s understanding that pawn shops occasionally accept gold jewelry as collateral for funds. Given that the Federal Reserve’s TAF and TSLF programs are beginning to resemble a financial pawn shop, it makes sense to start taking our cues from the original.
4) A copy of Shakespeare’s First Folio. It’s not as rare as the Honus Wagner card, but some might argue that it has slightly more cultural/historical significance.
5) A car. Staff report that the supply of autos on Bloomberg’s CARS function is flourishing (see below.) Staff recommends that the Federal Reserve accept the Kelley Blue Book valuation for autos used in the US, and the What Car? valuations for foreign-used autos in determining the amount of funding to be granted.
6) A note from the borrower’s mother. This tried-and-tested method works well in academia, and staff research suggests that it could easily be transferred to the Fed’s auction prgrams. Staff findings suggest that a similar methodology underpinned certain segments of the housing market in the current decade.
7) A Barry Bonds home run ball. Given that the Federal Reserve is attempting to “juice up” the financial system, what collateral could possibly be more appropriate?
8) The Tales of Beedle the Bard. This is one of the rarest and most sought-after works in the world. Our international contacts suggest that the People’s Bank of China would be particularly eager to accept it as collateral as part of a cross currency swap agreement.
9) Manure. While this is a bit unusual, staff feel that the bull market in soft commodities suggests that the value of fertilizing products is set to soar. Should manure prove unavailable, the Federal Reserve could consider accepting structured credit products, which share certain important characteristics with manure, instead.10) Anything demoninated in euros. Man, have you seen EUR/USD?
I wish I had a hamster now that I realize the amount of fun on which I am missing out.
